Dear Janey,
It's a cozy afternoon here at the brown house with the green front door. Overcast skies looking over my shoulder all day tempting me to nestle deep into my bed with a book and some kind of overindulgent smackerel.
It's been a a good week so far. On Tuesday, we headed in for our regularly scheduled Chemotherapy appt. Oh how Adler doth protests Tuesdays. Poor boy spends most of his week doing the anxiety "cha cha" as the days come and go...The ticking of the clock, his greatest foe. We made it to the appt. The routine is typically the same each week. We scrub up, enter the "clinic," Addy gets weighed and measured and the kind nurse assigns us a room number. We settle in and wait for our "regular" nurse to check in with us (she is a dearheart and was diagnosed almost the same day as Adler with breast cancer...So, the Two of them have become fast friends. It's been a tender mercy indeed). Our nurse access's Addys "power port" (a surgically placed device in Addys upper chest region that lays under the skin. The port allows quick access to draw blood and is where the Chemotherapy is administered). The power port is a mixed blessing (mixed for Addy and blessing for Jamie and I...No searching and searching for a vein for an I.V. etc...). They provide us with numbing cream that we are to apply One hour before arriving at the Hospital...But, still, there is a "poke" involved and Adler has long since caught onto this knowledge. Anyway, as soon as the port is accessed, they draw several vials of blood and immediately send them off to the lab to be processed. As the blood is off on its adventure, we wait. And wait. And, resort to all manner of boredom prevention techniques. Once the blood has had its fill of fun, the lab sends the results back to our Oncologist (Dr. Wright) and she reviews them with us. Sadly, this week, Adlers bloodcounts/levels were too low to administer any Chemotherapy. A happy/sad/worried dilemma. As a mom you begin to think thoughts like..."How sick must you be to not be "treatable?" Your mind begins to play dark tricks on you as you overthink everything and then, for good measure, you overthink them again. This weeks Chemo session was set to be the roughest regimen yet and Dr. Wright just didn't feel it safe to move forward until Adlers counts are more stable. So, we made a new plan, grabbed a red Otter Pop and headed back home. Still not sure if I feel relieved or concerned....Maybe both. Recerned. Yes, that's it. I feel recerned.
On a tender note, I was putting away laundry earlier today in Adlers room. At the side of his dresser, Addy keeps a blue "Nanny tote" (Nanny is what my boys call my mom...Well technically, Nanny Goat if using her surname). Addy calls it his "nanny tote" because in the beginning of the totes life, it held only treasures that his Nanny gave him. Now that the tote is a teenager, it has evolved and carries all sorts of other treasures. I see the tote daily. But, today, I took out each item and examined them. As I looked at each trinket, I felt such a surge of childhood beauty...and the resilience found therein. Realized upon further thought, that everything Adler holds most dear in life, (aside from family and friends) can fit into a small plastic tote that can fit into the space between his wall and his dresser. And, what a beautiful reminder to me, that PERSPECTIVE is.....everything.
Nanny Goat loves to you,
-Sara
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