|Adler June 14, 2013|
My mom has shared with me on many occasions the origin behind my name. I've always loved my name and I think it's because I know my mom loved it (and thus, me) even before I was born.
My mom would sit on the edge of my bed sometimes as the bedtime cha cha was nearly complete. She'd stroke my hair and tuck it over and over behind my ear. To this day, there is not a more calming, more soothing gesture than to have my hair brushed or braided etc...She'd tell me about how much she loved me, about her own childhood and sometimes she'd tell me about me. She shared with me that the name "Sara" reminded her of fields adorned with their summer best. Sunflowers. Fields full of a yellow symphony....Playing with all their might. Fulfilling the measure of their creation by seeking sun and offering sun all in the very same instant.
My middle name is Joy. Sara Joy. Named after my beloved Grandma: Neva Joy. My Grandma was the very essence of the word joy. She was good and kind and diligent. My Grandma had brilliant, blue, sparkling eyes. In the whole of my family (parents and all Four of my siblings) I am the only one who has blue eyes. I like to think they came from my Grandma. I close those blue eyes and imagine walking with my Grandma...But, in this scenario, we are more "equals"...No age or time or space predetermining our status one with another. In my minds eye, we walk in silence. No words punctuating our "heart-steps." She knows. And, I know that she knows. Knows every abiding sorrow surrounding my current life circumstance. Knows my pleadings, my longings, and my daydreams. Knows my confusion and the angst of true loss. She knows my secrets, my successes, and my shortcomings. Yes, she knows. And, she loves me still. We stop walking....She looks into my eyes and I into hers. And, in that exchange...true healing abounds.
Neva Joy Lee and me
The week after Adler was diagnosed, his dear friend and classmate Ava danced her way across our lawn (have you ever noticed children don't walk?...They swoop, they glide, they shimmy, they swoosh. But walking....Never)carrying a blue, plastic, Dixie cup. She knocked on our front door and upon my answering, began to explain that their class (Adlers class) had planted seeds a week or so before. Addys teacher had asked Ava to drop off Adlers seedcup in hopes that he still feel a part of his classroom adventures. We began watering each day and soon enough, a small scooch of green began to yawn and stretch. Weeks and even months passed. Addy and I took turns watering as well as guessing what kind of bloom we thought might emerge. I awoke this morning with Adler at the side of my bed..."Mom, mom, you've got to come and see this!...Follow me mom. Quick!" We held hands down the stairs and scurried towards our kitchen windowsill...A sunflower symphony serenading.
"Keep your face to the
sunshine and you cannot
see the shadow...It's what
all sunflowers do."
-In shadows and in sun,